Clouds of Love


Love…

Love is like a seed sown deep into the heart, it grows out into a beautiful sapling and then into a majestic tree. The tree gives shelter of love to all that who come and then sow its seed in other hearts until its end of life.
My life started because of a love. 

A love that brought me into this world, another love that watched me grow up into a woman and yet other love which took me as I am and made me it’s better half. I am still there floating in the clouds of love, diving from one cloud to another, moving from one stage to another. 

Now I stand in a cloud, which is almost a mile higher than all others which is brighter than the most.

From here I look upon on how I got here.

One fine day, when I was a little girl (fourth standard) I ran away from home  with few of my friends. It was an adventure for us. We (three of us) left the town with a pair of spare dress dumped in our school bags and few hundred in cash (taken from one of my friend’s dad’s pocket) stashed into a lunch box. 

We boarded a bus to go someplace (where we didn’t know – who the heck cares?). We were giggling like idiots, indeed we were.

We disembarked in a town - an unknown place, the dusk was settling in, the alien faces looking at us with interest, my hungry stomach howling for its meal and that was when I realized the mistake .Fear struck me hard like a cold slap.

 I wailed and whined in the middle of the street of a God knows what city and place.
Fortunate for us, the police station was nearby and we were taken there jus t in ‘case’.
 It was almost night when I saw my house gate, and there she stood with an almost dead face. 

On seeing me she just cried, that was the first time I saw that beautiful face creased with tears rolling by. I was happy to be back and felt so safe yet I just didn’t understand the pain she must have faced then. 


I was thirteen when I started writing diary.
I was a little sad because I was not a fairy.
I had scribbled something in it about being dark and ugly.
She read it without my knowing and then hugged me snuggly.
I could feel her tears hot on my cheeks.
I felt happy and contented for weeks.

I had nodded to her affirmative remarks about my cutest smile and brightest eyes. I felt happy when she told me that my eyes shone like a diamond hidden in the dark soil. My smile broadened when she told me that it was brighter than the beautiful sunshine.

I felt like a fairy just then and ran (flew) away happily thinking about my invisible wings, little did I know that she cried so long.


I
 was scared of suddenly becoming a lady from a girl. The transformation called for a lot of role changes and I was so confused and angry. 

She was there all along guiding me through every step of way of entering into the adult world. I took her words and marched ahead with a smile of confidence, and I didn’t notice her standing behind me proud and happy smiling away her tears of joy.


I
 was a woman and said I knew all. I smiled at her concerned advices and told her that I will take care. She looked into my eyes and just gave an understanding smile.

I was pushed into a new world, where I was to share the whole world with a new soul. I was scared and confused to step into the wedded life. She held my hands firmly, assured me that all is well and gently pushed me in. Indeed it was another kind of love and I lost myself there almost altogether.

I
 was in pain and it was so intense. I couldn’t think of anything but this little thing which was still in. It was the final moments until which I remained calm and showed off that ‘I am fine really’ matured woman mask. The moment I knew it was time I got real scared and called out for her. 

She was still there holding my hands with her sweat wet palms and she smiled beneath her tear curtained face. I was pushed into a glass door, complications had begun. When the door was closing I saw a handsome worried face and behind that I saw her face. God! I don’t want to see her afraid again.

Twenty one wonderful years of pure joy and fun.
That was what she gave me and took care nothing came in between.                                      
I had demanded a lot and put her down on many occasions. 
I had been a kid all these years(even now) and I never knew the implications.                            
She had always been there as if nothing had happened with that same smile on her lovely face.

I have learned to love from her. I have learned to forgive from her. I have learned to live from her.
I have learned to build my world around me and fill it magic dust of love, from her.

Through my joy, my fears, my doubts, my anger, my fun, my faith, my curiosity, my hunger, my desires, my hopes, my  entire life she had been there all along and she will be there forever if she could, I know that as well.

 I just knew that she was mine and will be mine. I never understood the magnitude of her love. I never thought a lot about her love for me which I always took for granted. 

Until the moment when I saw this tiny little thing lying near me squiggling his feet and yawning away the nine months sleep. At that moment, a single drop of tear dripped off from my lashes. My whole heart yearned for just her.



I look at the clouds of love now.
Tiny little clouds of all those little desires of life,
Huge fluffy clouds of wonderful friends,
Thick and long clouds of family and siblings,
A large pink cloud closer to me – my valentine cloud,
Two tiny clouds that float closer to us and
The one beautiful cloud which stands above all, which shines like a thousand stars and certainly is the purest of them all. 

The little and big sacrifices you made  
The things you did just to make my frown fade    
The numerous deeds for which you were never thanked for
The selfless love you showered me with – all of that is understood perfectly now. 

The value of your smile – it is greater than the monalisa’s.

Mom…You are the best of all..I love you.
 



This entry is submitted for the STAGES OF LOVE contest in Blog Adda. Thank you Blog Adda for giving me a chance to pen down those thoughts which are always felt but never said.

If you like romance just like me , please do check out Preeti Shenoy's latest - Life is what you make it.


Photo courtesy : Google Images.
***PROUD WINNER OF BLOG ADDA CONTEST***

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