Spouts,Faucets,Taps and Me

I was lost for few days in something else that
I couldn’t come here and torture you people.

And oh look!..You all seem so happy. But I am here already. Let us see what I can do about that eh?..

Ok..My quota for serious stuff is over with last two posts and it’s time to get back to normal.

I was walking down the aisle in a shopping mall the other day and I saw some small kids playing in the escalator which brought a smile on my stupid face and ‘tontodoiiinnn..’ pushed a rewind button to a day in chennai.

It was a week after the new escalators were introduced in Chennai Egmore station and we were walking down the corridor to reach our compartment. My eyes darted to a place which was overly crowded. It was the escalator. Why was there such crowd? As curious as I was, I peeped in.

A young woman of about twenty something, she must be just married from the looks of her was crying. Actually when I took a closer look I found that she was just whining and giggling at the same time. She was standing right next to the escalator and she was just too scared to get on the escalator.

People tried to cajole her, push her, and scold her. mmhhm..nothing worked out.

She was creating such racket. Her newlywed husband was standing on the top of the stairs and shouting at her to come up. Supposedly he climbed up before her to show who is boss. Anyways, this poor woman was still struggling. She would keep a foot in and run back..this was going on for a while and so the crowd.

One fellow who was passing by, commented on her “who asked these illiterate idiots to come here? They don’t know even to use a simple thing as escalator.” He spouted his mouth pathetically declaring his superiority over that woman, As if he descended from heaven to earth in an escalator. (
இதுங்களையெல்லாம் இங்க யார் வரச் சொன்னது?பட்டிகாடுங்க...இவெரென்னமோ பொறக்கும்போதே எஸ்கலேட்டர்ல பொறந்த மாதிரி.)

I don’t blame the woman. She is knew to something and she just shows her fear in open.

So what? Aren’t we scared of stuff which we face for the first time, I thought. I don’t know about you but I am more than confused about new stuff and have a fear on some.

And yes that is what I am going to tell you now. A thing I fear a lot,


When I mean spouts, I take the whole category…All sorts of spouts which pour out anything from water to coffee and ketchup to juice.

Let us start with a decent one.

Water taps.

The sole reason for a water tap is to release water when you use the lever. Yep got it..

But why is that they always keep it as complicated as possible? I simply don’t understand.

Oh!..Such variety in them, one looks down, one looks up, one needs to push it, one needs to pull it, one needs to tap it one needs to screw it and now almost everywhere it just needs you to show your hand in front.

There was this day when I didn’t know whether to push it or pull it (it looked almost
seamless and lever less) I tried so hard for sometime pushing and pulling first slowly then swiftly and at one point of time vigorously..(give it you damn it.. அடச்சீ வந்து தொலை..)
And poof.. The spout just came off from the pipe hook and luckily I had the reflex to push it back harder into the knob so it didn’t shower water all over me.

Oh! but broken is broken right?

I felt so stupid and just then someone came in. I quickly acted like I was adjusting my hair(
)while I was watching the other person to use it.
She merely tapped on its head and voila. a clear stream of water came out..(..இது இப்டியா? சொல்லவே இல்ல?)
Then there are these automatic water tap.

Oh..they are such nuisance I tell you. It is like your sinister aunt with twisted humor.

It never releases water when you hold your hand in front. It will release water right when you pull your hand back. I remember once myself dancing in front of it (வந்துரு,,வந்துரு..தானா வந்துரு..).

I was like showing
my hand this side and that, pushing in, pulling out..making postures of ‘bharata natiyam’ and when I found out that the tap was actually not working(the sensor light was blinking – probably winking at me) I went …..

Oh there is another incident involving Mc D.

It was my first visit to Mc D years back. we had just ordered our burgers. My uncle asked me to get ketchup.
I went to the small dispenser counter and to my horror I saw another long spout there.

Oh! crap..

This one was very sleek with long
neck and no head or no lever of any sort what so ever.
I was standing there for quite some time not knowing what to do and where to pull. Since the first incident preceded this one I was very cautious not to pull it, for I was standing in the middle of the crowd and this was not a water tap but ketchup dispenser tap or spout..or whatever that is..

My uncle called out for me from behind and I had no choice but to try. Unfortunately no one came by to do a demo for me. (I had developed a really cool habit of watching a demo before trying it). So I had to give a try.

There was this small knob like thing near it and I unscrewed and unscrewed until it came off in my hand. Oh lord..

I frantically fixed it while a small western boy came near me. I gestured at him very generously to go ahead, with a smile that was a kilometer long.

He just pressed the end of the long spout and ..agh..it worked..

He caught ketchup in the small disposable cup and gave me a look..

Do you even want to know how he looked at me?..Please save the embarrassment.

One other day I was in this international airport lounge with
buffet breakfast. Even that gave me the shivers.
They have automatic coffee dispensers there you see?

Just as usual I went to fetch some coffee for myself. And as usual there was no one there to help me.

The dispenser was too huge with some ten to twenty buttons including light, strong, black, mocha,
cappuccino and all that..
I am a coffee lover so the love for coffee overtook the fear for spouts this time and I tried it by myself.

I pressed the button for coffee with milk and held the cup beneath the inlaid spout.

It first poured coffee and then stopped and then started to pour milk and it didn’t stop.

The cup was dangerously full and I was frantic and searched for a stop button. there was none.

I was like stop..stop..stop..(As if it was going to say..'Oh..I am sorry' and then stop).

It didn’t stop and the coffee started to spill all over the immaculately clean white table cloth and then on the polished floor.

I yelled for help and one fair maiden (Waitress) came in for help. God bless her soul she didn’t stare at me but just smiled that all is well and went on cleaning.

And what about the water taps in American public places?

The spout looks up and the water spurts out like a fountain. You have to literally keep your mouth in front (or over the top??) to drink the water. I wondered what if they spit on it while drinking???

I have seen people cocking their heads like little sparrows to adjust to the flow of water.

Once I was very thirsty I went close enough to drink from it , but after seeing a man having his mouth closer to the spout like a gigantic crocodile waiting for its prey(அண்டாக்கா கசம்..திறந்திடு சீசே), I just dropped the idea of using it( I simply got a water bottle to catch water in)

And here is the most embarrassing incident of all.

That day they had opened up a new mall and we went to check it out.

After walking for so long I went to the ladies room. It was eerily void of people and the new toilets gleamed clean. I went inside one cubicle and just stood still. My curiosity got me better than my bladder movements that I watched a small glowing knob in the wall. It asked me to twist it.

Such stupid was I, I didn’t think twice or even once for that matter before turning it. I turned it to the maxand watched what magic is going to happen.(டாய்லட்ல என்ன மேஜிக்?)
And.. water splashed all over from the nearby detachable spout (supposedly kept for cleaning your……..கருமம்..கருமம்..) which I had not seen earlier, if I did see a spout nearby would I dare turn it?

Oh lord.. I was so embarrassed.

Lucky me, the toilet seat was closed and I had not leaned down too much so the kurti I was wearing was only half wet.

Then what??

I had to stand in front of this automatic drier for a quarter of an hour like a pan handler holding my kurti in front of it..

(அம்மா... தாயே...)
Huh, So much for my spout fears. Though I have learned to use them now better than before(??), I still have that fear when I see a new kind of spout.

Now tell me, does anyone else have something like this..?(I bet not..

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