New Year Resolution – BE GO(O)D

The God Feeling

I constantly tell my son that he is god (that was not a spelling mistake it is GOD).

I tell him that he is a very good God and he is yet to know it.(I know I am creating a huge controversial thought here, but hey I already told you I am a weird idiot)

One day he came running to me and asked “ god is getting very angry..”

“Why dear?”

“I don’t know. But tell me ..Gods are not supposed to get angry..Why Am I getting angry? Does that mean I am not God?”

“Yes and No dear..It means that you and I and all others for that matter hadn’t just found the God in them”

“Where is God hiding in me Mom?”

“God is somewhere inside you. God is hiding inside you. God is locked deep inside. It is so deep that only darkness you see.”

“So how do we find him mummy. Do we need a torch?”

“Yes dear. We certainly need a torch. The torch is nothing but your belief. All you have to do is take the torch and go find the locks.”

“How many locks are there mother?”

“Oh.. There are infinite numbers of locks my dear. So many that you can lose years just by counting them.”

“Then how am I supposed to unlock all of them? Where is the key?”

“That is very simple my dear. Every good deed you do will unlock one door. So for each good deed you are going a step forward towards finding your god.

Once you have unlocked all the doors, the god will come out of his hide and you will become totally god.”

“m. So how many good deeds do I have to do to go near god?”

“It might take many many deeds..But I tell you what. You stop counting the good deeds like you count how many pages are there yet to read in your book. Instead involve yourself in the good deed you are doing so that in no time you will open the last door.”

“Ok…”he seemed to be convinced a little. Suddenly he asked me “Mom have ever seen your god, just once at least..not going close but just a look, a peep?”

I smiled at him instantly and said, ”Yes my dear. I did have the luck to have a glimpse of my God..”

“cool.. how was ...?”

“ding dong..”My son might be a great listener but he still was a kid. He ran out to welcome his friend who had come over to play.

In an instant he had changed from God mode to Ben10 mode and ran off as heat blast..

But I was sitting quietly, still the thought lingering in my mind. So here I am to put it in words for all my friends..The day I glimpsed my god..

My father is a philanthropist. He is loved by many for his generosity. He has two addictions.

1.Addiction for fame.
2. Addiction for giving.

I was always scared of addiction number 1. Though it is tempting and is supposed to be the worst addiction in the whole world, it has a very dangerous side effect - pride.

I am very cautious on that ground and so I try to put myself as much out of it as possible.(But I do have some weak points right?)

The next addiction is something I had always wondered about.

I wanted to know what really my father saw in giving. I first used to assume that the addiction of giving is closely related to addiction of fame. But then I realized it was not so.

SO what was it? I found a good opportunity one day and found it out myself.

It was a few years ago, a year before my marriage I suppose. My dad was making arrangements for going to an ashram for the pongal festival. I told him that I wanted to come with him. He was happy to take me along.

We reached this peaceful and dry looking village few kilometers off palani .We entered into the ‘vallalar ashram’.(My dad has a soft corner for vallalar ashrams since he himself was raised for few years in once such ashram).

So as we entered I understood that my dad had done some big arrangements there (as usual for him).

It was my birthday and I had wanted to spend it with the ashram children. That was great news for the ashram keeper who was an aging old man.

He had seen many who just give away but I was the first who had actually brought a cake to cut with the kids there.

They had arranged a stage with chairs and mike..(ah I just hate them).

I tried to hide myself behind the huge form of my dad. The keeper started off by thanking one and all and weirdly he addressed everyone as”தெய்வமே”(GOD). It was funny for me that he would call us God.

When I asked him why he was calling everyone as GOD he said, “you will know it soon dear God”

So everyone was getting ready to talk and talk in the mike. ‘yawn..’

I hate all that stupid speeches about we did this..we did that( my dad is a prominent member of this international social organization)...

But it was the keeper’s talk that pulled me to the world.

He made me realize how important our arrival was for them. I peeped out and only then felt thankful for sitting in the dais. I could see all the little faces beaming in happiness.

My heart was thumbing hard. I wanted to do something for them. I as me..The donation is going to be done by my dad who had announced that he was going to donate three sacks of rice, dal and notebooks for kids every year at this date(my birthday).

There was such applause. But I was yearning for more brightness in those little faces.

I could think of just one thing. I searched around and found a piece of old paper and borrowed a pen from someone near.

I started to scribble down seriously.

The speeches were all over and it was time to conclude the function. I slowly rose from my position and asked the keeper to permit me to speak something.

He was so happy.

He announced in the mike that “Now the special God is going speak to you”

There was pin drop silence in the hall. It was the first time for me to be in front of the mike in public meeting (apart from those school events and competitions).I was shivering but managed to read what I had scribbled down.

I had written a poem..A 10-12 line poem in tamil. I don’t remember it now and nor do I have the copy with me for the keeper took it as a remembrance.

I had written about my point of view, from where I could see the little faces beaming like the lilly buds but these were divine for they were shining a divine light.

I had gone on and on about my happiness on being there and my luck and I finally concluded that we were not the ones who is giving anything away to them there, but it was them who had given us a chance to look at God and to feel the closeness to god.

I thanked them for giving us the great gift of God’s love.

It was the moment that followed that really showed me God.

A standing ovation. All the kids stood up and clapped their hands so feverishly.

What is in it you ask, I know. Well there was nothing in that until I saw their faces.

They were crying..

They were smiling and crying all the same..There was so much of happiness in their innocent faces that made me want to cry...That was when I felt it..

A clean and very pure sensation of happiness. Something I have never ever felt in my entire life.

It was too blissful that I couldn’t control myself from crying. I too was smiling and crying..For I saw the god in them in their smiles and I felt heavenly..I was so happy..too happy to speak any more.
What happened after that was like a mirage to me.

They whisked me off from the place and took me to their dormitory where I cut the cake and fed them. They showed me all their stuff. They shared their stories.

They gave me some half eaten candies which they wanted to share with me so badly.

They showed their best dresses and notebooks with ‘very good’ signature from their teachers.

They showed me some certificates and this and that…

They showed me their little beautiful world.

That was a day I would never ever forget in my entire life.

You might think I am exaggerating here, but I just am telling What I feel honestly.

Symptoms of the God feeling

1: Feeling of bliss – the moment I saw the tears of joy in the little faces. I got that..Some feeling that cannot be just explained in human terms.
2: Overflowing happiness –The whole day I was grinning like an idiot, while my heart was like it was going to be ripped off just by being so happy.

3: No appetite – The whole day (at least until I was there) I was not hungry at all. I didn’t even drink water but yet felt so full of energy. Energy that was getting higher and higher.

4: The descent- all that feelings faded slowly as I left the place.

This was how I got a glimpse of God for which I am heavily indebted to those kids.
I know now many of you will say that the God feeling is all just BS and this is just the happiness of giving..

That is it..

The happiness of giving..

The happiness of helping.

That is what is God..

We all agree in one way or other that Love is God..
அன்பே சிவம்..
So I just enjoy it literally and I see no harm in giving the same to my son.
After my marriage I tried to do the same for my birthday and my hubbie’s and my kids’ but were duly disappointed by the keepers in chennai who just took the money and fruits and just didn’t let us meet the kids.

Since then I hadn’t got a chance to show my son the addiction of giving.

This New Year is a promise for me. I am going to take him to an ashram for his birthday.
And let him have a glimpse of his own god..a taste of divinity so that he will start doing more good deeds and help people in years to come.

This is my new year resolution..
To be GO(O)D..and to make my son see GO(O)D..

How about you????

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